A long time ago, my biological mum made the decision to move from Brummie over to the states so she could be with her girlfriend, Miranda, who wouldn't come to the UK because it was too cold. While I'll admit that a few good things came of this, for the most part it kinda screwed us over. The Mormons had a tiff because of that whole lesbian parenting thing, and they weren't too kind of the fact that me and my mum are Brits nor the fact that we were a Jewish family until leaving the country. So when I married my wife, who is Japanese and a nudist, things didn't go over well and our wedding was protested. One of the few safe-havens here in Utah where the Mormons can't stick their dick into everyone's delicious cake is The Tower Theatre, a crumbling old building that is a shrine for anyone who loves movies. Not only is it the only place you can rent anything with a "PG-13" or higher rating uncut now that Blockbuster signed a deal with CleanFlicks here, its also the only place that has foreign/bad/classic/independent and midnight movies. I work as a projectionist there, but last year Chie & I joined their stage group, "The Latter-day Transvestites."

Yes, The Latter Day Transvestites. A group of people that do a yearly showing of everybody's favourite transsexual rock opera: The Rocky Horror Picture show. Chie & I play Magenta and Riff-Raff, respectively, and I came down from my little camera booth to do it again this year. For the most part, it was pretty damn awesome being on stage making sure all the virgins and super virgins get their cherries popped by a thousand fat slobs and lesbians dressed as the opposite sex. (Oh, and to those people who aren't in the know, yes, Rocky Horror really is a big fucking orgy where all the virgins that come get their cherry popped. You should try it some time, just make sure to come wearing a humiliating outfit. Bring your parents too. Mwahahahaha.) Anywho, everything was going fine and dandy until it came time to read the 10 FUCKING Commandments according to Rocky Horror, and suddenly a bunch of holy bibles start flying across the theater and smacking innocent giant condoms and stage hands over the head. Just take a guess who was throwing those bibles. If you guessed a mob of angry Mormons, you're a fuckin' winner! Turns out an entire group bought out a fair chunk of seats just so they could protest the second we "Mocked god." I wish I had a chainsaw because I'm fucking tired of these assholes ruining everything, and ruining the only fun event in this shithole (I would say the Nihonmatsuri is fun, but lately its been infested with Weeaboos. Plus Chie doesn't like Buddhists, and there's a Buddhist church there.) is the last straw. I wish Maddox went to Rocky Horror, those Mormons would get a giant pirate boot so far up their assholes that afterwards it'd be about as wide as Russia.

I have nothing against religion, hell, I believe in a god and an afterlife and all that shit, but what the hell is up with the Mormons here? It's disappointing because I've met Mormons that came from other states in my travels, and they kicked ass! They actually knew how to be "Good Christians" without being Zealots. Mormons that are born OUTSIDE of Utah are awesome, so why can't Mormons born INSIDE Utah be awesome? Its supposed to be there home, but that doesn't mean they have to be pricks. Do you know what it feels like when you suffer from Chronic Migraines to have a fucking hardcover bible thwack your skull from halfway across a theatre? Yeah, it fucking sucks. I say we level Utah with nukes. The desert is pretty awesome, and although we need to put the snakes in a Fallout shelter (So that Chie & I can promptly continue eating them afterwords. Hooray for desert chicken!) nuking Utah would just make it one giant desert, and it would be a helluva lot better that way.

Blah blah blah, yak yak yak, I have diarrhea of the word processor and rant about shit that doesn't even matter. What else is new?